What’s in Your DVD Collection
I recently noticed that I have a large DVD collection prominently displayed in a bookcase in my living room (I don’t go in my living room very often). I think we’ve hit a point in time when prominently displaying a DVD collection is akin to prominently displaying a collection of beanie babies or troll dolls – it distinctly places your life in a time and place that is not in the present day. Much like walking into your grandparents’ house and seeing the hard candies and paisley furniture, my living room has become frozen in time. In my case, around the year 2003.
Other than the occasional Christmas move, the last DVD I added to my collection was the Hangover in 2009. And other than the occasional Christmas movie, the last movie I watched out of that collection was probably the Hangover in 2009. Not only has my DVD collection become a relic of another time, it should have a sign in front of it saying ‘Please Do Not Touch’ like it’s a piece in a museum.
When you go through a DVD collection for the first time in at least two years, you come across a few surprises – “wow, I never knew I owned The Usual Suspects” and “back in 2002, I really thought I needed to own the Scorpion King?” and “what the hell is Funny Face and how did it get here?”.
In my opinion, the most amusing thing about the collection was the few DVDs that were still in their original plastic wrapper and had never been opened. Now let me say that I’ve purchased nearly all these movies myself or specifically asked for them as gifts, so it’s not like I’m getting off-the-wall DVDs as gifts from people who don’t know my sense and sensibilities. And if I did I would have regifted that crap a long time ago. No, this is a collection designed by me for my own viewing pleasure. So it says something disturbing about my pack rat mentality that I’ve purchase DVDs with no intention of ever watching them. For example…
My Mint Condition, Unwatched DVDs:
12 Monkeys – I’m not the world’s biggest Terry Gilliam fan, but I am the world’s number 1 Bruce Willis fan, which is why I picked this puppy up after seeing the movie in the theater. There was a small moment in time where I could stand Brad Pitt as a human being, and alas, that window closed sometime between buying this DVD at the store and getting home.
Die Another Day – I like Pierce Brosnan, he’s easily my third, ok maybe fourth favorite James Bond of all time. He was just so dapper; a James Bond you wouldn’t be afraid of talking home to meet the parents. But Die Another Day was such a forgettable movie that I can’t tell you anything about it other than I think it has James Bond in it. Oh, and Halle Berry was hot in an orange bikini. Personally, I’ll take Golden Eye any day of the week (preferably on a N64… not to date myself any further).
Superbad – I’ve seen Superbad on TV about a dozen times. It’s a funny movie – the scene where Michael Cera’s character is at a party has to sing a song after getting mistaken for someone else still made me laugh on the 12th viewing – but it’s not funny enough to make me want to pop it in the old fashioned DVD player and watch it for the 13th time. Even if it is the unrated extended version.
The Simpsons Season 2 – I love The Simpsons, especially the first 10 or so seasons when the show still had a heart. But the problem is that I’ve seen every single episode so many times. I mean, there was a point in my life where I’d watch two straight hours of The Simpsons every weekday in syndication from 6 to 8 pm. And that was almost 20 years ago – which makes my brain hurt when I think about it.
